16 August 2015: Steering Straight Ahead
My sister and I ventured back to NJ this morning for some meditation and motivation. My initial idea for this week’s post came to me as I stared at the stunning display of Buddhist images, symbols, and decor on the opposite wall. I noticed a beautiful, peach-colored lotus blossom on the shelf and knew instantly that would be the central image for today’s entry. “I’ll stay after and ask if I can take a picture for my blog,” I thought. Then I realized I was supposed to be focusing on my breath, so I quieted my mind and pushed the idea aside until later. By the time I pulled it back in, I was in the car and headed across the NJ/PA border.
“What am I going to write about now?” I wondered for the next few hours. I became fixated on the one idea that didn’t come to fruition and laughed. As I mentioned during Week Two of Sunday SoulJourn, I dream big. Part of my big dreams involve elaborate, intricate, idyllic wishes. For instance, I come up with this wondrous idea to have an award show viewing party. I can totally see it as I wish it to be: in a rented banquet hall, themed appetizers and deserts on the long tables, decorations, centerpieces on the tables, a movie screen to watch the telecast, and much more. I can see it all, but then it quickly overwhelms me and time passes. Ultimately, I end up inviting a few friends over, cook some themed dishes, and sit on my sofa in the company of good friends. As much as I try to enjoy the moment, I admittedly find myself fixated on what didn’t occur.
I thought about all this as I drove home today and realized that those grand ideas don’t come to fruition because I don’t always take the wheel and steer them where I want to go. Part of me expected everything to simply fall into place. That I’d know the way without paying attention to the directional signs. That I didn’t need to stop for directions or ask for help, because I knew where I was headed. Deep down I thought that just by envisioning the dream, the universe would help it come to be. The grand ideas, like singing professionally or hosting exciting themed parties, didn’t occur because I didn’t a) have enough confidence in it, b) work hard enough to make it happen, or c) believe in its significance and importance.
I didn’t keep two hands on the “wishing wheel”; I slammed on the brakes and let someone else sit in the driver’s seat. I sat passively by, watching the scenery blur by in a haze of color.
Are you the driving force in your own life? Do you sometimes feel like your dreams are too big to come true?
In a world currently overwhelmed with social media, digital advances, and fast-paced living, we sometimes race straight past Present and head towards an unknown Future. I admit to the above and, as such, decided to create Sunday SoulJourn as a reminder that life is not a race; it’s a journey.
Join me every Sunday as I reflect, ponder, and contemplate topics that tend to get overlooked as we sprint through life.
Kelly Deeny 