111 Day Artistic Spirit Pledge: Spiritual Growth Through Creative Expression
Day 111: Artistic Spirit Finale
*I wrote the following piece many years ago, during a time when my spirituality was strengthening and my religious identification floundering. As I’ve stated before, I consider religion and spirituality to be separate entities, and it is not my intention to promote any specific religion.*
GROUNDED: (Originally published on one of my other blogging platforms, for those of you who may recognize it.)
My feet are firmly planted and have been for a very long time. I have stability and security. I am grounded. I remain in control of my life. Yet at the same time I have grounded myself. Punishment for even desiring a life that was different from the one I imagined God planned for me. I was born with a heart defect yet I survived. That had to mean I was born to do great things. He had to have a purpose for me. Right? My life must’ve had meaning; wouldn’t you say? If so, then why was it so difficult to separate His “wishes” from my own?
Whenever I would pray to God the words went something like this, “Dear Lord, please help me find the strength inside myself to… (Insert any action here).” I never asked God or wanted Him to fix my problems for me. I asked for the help in figuring them out on my own. I asked for strength and guidance, but I made decisions that were acceptable with what I thought God expected of me. I believed God gave me certain gifts, skills, or talents that I should honor Him with utilizing but still do so in my own unique way and in my own time.
Granted, He never spoke directly to me and said, “Kelly, I want you to remain tightly wound in fear and security. It is my plan that you put everyone else’s well-being ahead of yours and live a life that leaves you constricted.” I don’t recall ever hearing that message. So how did I come to live by those words? Feeling so strongly that life held great purpose had to mean I was bestowed a gift that most others either didn’t receive or chose not to utilize. That meant I was supposed to make a difference. I had to put all my attention and efforts towards helping other people at the expense of my “superficial” dreams. Pursuing a career in TV or music when I could instead devote my time and energy to ministry or a career of the same methodology? I craved creativity and found music and serialized television re-enforced my own artistic needs. Unfortunately, I spent so much time living life through someone else’s stories that I didn’t pay enough attention to creating my own.
It’s only now that I realize my life has been enriched by the creativity I bring forth. I embrace the significance my writings and musical abilities bring to my life. I can’t claim that I hold regret and resentment in my heart any longer as my life’s path led me to where I am now. How much was influenced or assisted by a higher power? I’ll never truly know. All I can do now is learn from what didn’t work out well and remember those decisions that helped me flourish. If I never try I will never know. If I don’t spread my wings and fly then I’ll remain grounded.
**I am an Artistic Spirit! For most of my life I’ve used the creative arts as a source of spiritual exploration and healing, even though I didn’t always do so consciously. Sometimes I was the instrument creating the art and other times I was on the receiving end. The connection between art and spirituality is so significant in my life that it’s infused into everything I do. I love music, theatre, television drama series (daytime and primetime), and creative writing and find fulfillment in artistic expression of various sorts: singing, acting, and jewelry design. THANK YOU for your support along this journey!!!!!**
Kelly Deeny 